Five Ways to Be Charming

Written By | Personal Success | April 9th, 2009 | 19 Comments »

how to be charmingThe more important you make people feel in your presence, the more charming they will perceive you to be. Fortunately, we know how to make people feel wonderful about themselves. These key behaviors can be summarized in the five A’s: Acceptance, Appreciation, Approval, Admiration, and Attention.

1. Acceptance. The greatest gift that you can give other people is the attitude of “unconditional positive regard.” That is, you accept them in their entirety, without limitation. You never criticize or find a fault. You are totally accepting of everything about them, as if they were a miracle of nature. This is the starting point of being charming.

And how do you express complete acceptance? It is simple. You smile! When you smile with happiness at seeing people, their self-esteem jumps automatically. They feel happy about themselves. They feel important and valuable. And they like the person who is making them feel this way. They find you to be charming, even before you open your mouth.

Brian Tracy on his upcoming Teleseminar — The Power of Charm

To learn more about the Power of Charm, join me for a LIVE Teleseminar on April 14th.

2. Appreciation. Whenever you express appreciation to others for something they have done, small or large, their self-esteem increases. They feel more valuable and important. They feel more competent and capable. Their self-image improves and their self-respect soars.

And how do you trigger this wonderful feeling in others? It is simple. You say “thank you” on every occasion, for any large or small reason. You make a habit of thanking everyone in your world for everything they do. Thank your secretary for her work. Thank your spouse for his help. Thank your children for anything they do that you appreciate.

Here is a double payoff: Whenever you smile or say thank you to another person, not only does that person’s self-esteem and feeling of importance jump, but so does yours. You actually like yourself more every time you do or say anything that causes other people to like themselves more.

And the more you like yourself, the more you will genuinely like and care about others. The more you like yourself, the less concerned you will be about whether you are making a good impression, and the more naturally charming you will become.

3. Approval. It is said that “babies cry for it, men die for it.” Throughout life, all humans have a deep subconscious need for approval of their actions and accomplishments. No amount of approval ever satisfies for long. The need is ongoing, like the need for food or rest. People who continually seek opportunities to express approval are welcome wherever they go. F

Perhaps the best definition of approval is “praise.” This subject is so important that we will come back to it later. Just remember, whenever you praise other people for something they have done, their self-esteem is elevated. They feel wonderful about themselves. And they find you to be more interesting, perceptive, highly likable, and extremely charming.

4. Admiration. As Abraham Lincoln said, “Everybody likes a compliment.” When you give people a genuine, sincere compliment about a trait, possession, or accomplishment, they automatically feel better about themselves. They feel acknowledged and recognized. They feel valuable and important. They like themselves more, and they like you more.

Compliment a person on an article of clothing. Compliment someone on a trait, like punctuality or persistence. Compliment the person on having won an award or achieved a goal. Compliment for small things as well as large. Always be looking for something to compliment, and each time you find something, the other person will like you more and find you to be charming.

5. Attention. This is perhaps the most important quality of all, and will be the subject of several subsequent chapters. It is the most powerful behavior for building self-esteem and is the key to instant charm. When you pay close attention to other people, the more valuable and important they will feel they are, and the more they will like you.

These are the five most powerful self-esteem building tools ever discovered. As you master them through practice, you will become one of the most charming and influential people in your social and professional circle.

To learn more about the Power of Charm, join me for a LIVE Teleseminar on April 14th.

About Brian Tracy – Brian Tracy is recognized as the top sales training and personal success authority in the world today. He has authored more than 60 books and has produced more than 500 audio and video learning programs on sales, management, business success and personal development, including worldwide bestseller The Psychology of Achievement. Brian’s goal is to help you achieve your personal and business goals faster and easier than you ever imagined. You can follow him on google+, facebook, and twitter.


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  1. I Dare You To Click Here says on February 10, 2012 at 10:44 pm:

    Hi there,I enjoy reading through your article post, I wanted to write a little comment to support you and wish you All the best for all your blogging efforts.

  2. ldkasj says on September 11, 2011 at 9:03 pm:

    That was a nice article. It’s like what goes around comes around. The moment you start respecting, admiring, appreciating, smiling at others, others wil start doing these things to you. Great advice, Brain.
    Many thanks!

  3. lyn says on August 20, 2011 at 12:12 am:

    really change me! only smile it makes my life from old to new n great person ppl look at me. thanks.

  4. Vally says on February 15, 2011 at 9:49 pm:

    ooooh so like the way you’ve explained each… thanks Brian!

  5. Vishal says on April 22, 2010 at 1:06 am:

    Thanks brian for our simple but very effective thoghts on being charming.thanks once again.

    Sent on a phone using

  6. Kilanko Seun says on September 11, 2009 at 2:59 pm:

    Good work! To start with, a smile really works wonders and I think it’s one of the greatest tools of a charming personality. To sum up all you have said, Brian, I will say to develop a charming personality, let your words and actions be seasoned with salt…period.
    I have learnt a lot from this. Thank you!

  7. joseph says on July 17, 2009 at 8:02 am:

    brian you are so great

  8. CrisBetewsky says on July 6, 2009 at 10:18 am:

    It’s a pity that people don’t realize the importance of this information. Thanks for posing it.

  9. ApplyCreditCards says on May 27, 2009 at 7:04 pm:

    Hi, good post. I have been wondering about this issue,so thanks for posting. I’ll definitely be coming back to your site.

  10. Bilal says on May 24, 2009 at 3:00 pm:

    I’ve been reading from you since 2 yrs now and I can say you are an excellent motivator and charmer as well!!!!

  11. saeed zafar says on May 6, 2009 at 11:01 pm:

    i feel pleasur to say you that you are a good leader,motivator,and human.i respect you very much.

  12. freddy kosasih says on May 6, 2009 at 10:05 am:

    i love you, brian. i much learn from you.

  13. Reginald Reglus says on April 25, 2009 at 3:41 pm:

    Hi Brian:

    This is another great post. Thanks for sharing this information. I have noticed that you share a lot of great and thoughtful information in your blog posts. I really admire that about you. I agree with your points and I would add that a key is to be genuine. People should not be charming in order to manipulate people. Be charming because you truly love people and what the best for them.

  14. Shawn Byfield says on April 16, 2009 at 1:59 pm:

    Thanks for the useful advice Brian! I’m working on bettering myself as a leader. This will definitely help put more “charm” in my day- and in the days of others!

  15. Rob says on April 13, 2009 at 8:38 am:

    Thanks, Brian!

  16. Becky West says on April 10, 2009 at 2:46 pm:

    Happy Easter Brian! :) …hoppy Easter wishes for you and your family!
    I just want to say thanks for your charming smile in the above video! …and for the the 5 A’s ~ I really like your thoughts on “charm” ~ fun word! And great ways to make people we care about feel good!
    You should know I couldn’t help but smile : )
    Thank you!!!



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