How to Let Go: 4 People You MUST Forgive to Move Forward

Written By | Personal Success | January 17th, 2012 | 46 Comments »

how to forgive

There are four people you need to forgive if you are serious about changing your life and learning how to live in the now.

The first are your parents, living or dead. You must absolutely forgive them for every mistake they ever made in bringing you up. At the very least, you should be grateful to them for giving you life. They got you here. If you are happy to be alive, you can forgive them for everything else. Never complain about them again.

Many of my seminar participants have phoned or visited their parents and told them that they forgive them for everything. Often this simple act of courage and character has had a profound effect on their relationship with their mother or father. From that day onward, they have become good friends, which lasted the rest of their lives together.

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On the other hand, by not forgiving your parents, you remain forever a child. You block your own chance to grow up and become a fully functioning adult. You continue to see yourself as a victim. Even worse, you keep your negative feelings of inferiority and anger alive. If your parents die without your having forgiven them, it can bother you for the rest of your life.

Close Personal Relationships

The second person or persons you must forgive are the people from your marriages or relationships that didn’t work out. These intimate relationships can be so intense, and so threatening to your feelings of self-esteem and self-worth, that you can be angry and unforgiving toward those people for years.

But you were at least partially responsible. Have the personal strength and integrity to say, “I am responsible,” and then forgive the other person and let him or her go. Say the words, “I forgive him/her for everything and I wish him/her well.” Each time you repeat this, the negative emotion attached to the memory will diminish. Soon it will be gone forever.

How to Let Go

Many of my graduates have found that “the letter” is the key to putting a bad relationship behind them forever. This is a powerful technique that can free you from feelings of anger and resentment almost instantly.

Here is how it works: You to sit down and write the other person a letter of forgiveness. It consists of three parts.

First you say, “I forgive you for everything you ever did that hurt me.”

Second, you write out a description or list of every single thing that you are still mad about. Some people write several pages in this part.

Third, you end the letter with the words, “I wish you well.”

You then take the letter to the mailbox and drop it in. At that moment, you will feel a huge sense of relief, and you will be free at last.

By the way, don’t worry about how the other person might react. That is not your concern. Your goal is to free yourself, to regain your peace of mind, and to get on with the wonderful life that lies ahead of you.

Clear Your Slate and Move Forward

The third person you must forgive is everyone else in your life who has ever hurt you in any way. Let them go. Forgive every boss, business partner, friend, crook or betrayer who has ever caused you grief of any kind. Clean the slate and forgive to forget. Wipe each of their names and images off by saying, “I forgive him/her for everything, and I wish him/her well.” Repeat this statement each time you think of the person or situation until the negative feelings are gone.

Set Yourself Free

The fourth and final person you have to forgive is yourself. You must absolutely forgive yourself for every silly, senseless, wicked, brainless, thoughtless or cruel thing you have ever done or said. Stop carrying these past mistakes around with you. That was then and this is now.

Think of it this way. When you did those things in the past that you still feel badly about, you were not the person you are today. At that time, you were a different person, younger and less experienced. You were not your true self. You were an immature version of the person you have become with experience. Stop beating yourself up for something that occurred in the past that you cannot change.

Just say, “I forgive myself for every mistake I ever made. I am a thoroughly good person and I am going to have a wonderful future.” Whenever you think of that event or situation, just repeat, “I forgive myself completely.” And then get on with your life. Focus on the future rather than the past and don’t look back. Look at where you are going rather than where you have been.

Finally, if you did something that hurt someone, and you still feel badly about it, you can go to that person, or write, and apologize. Tell the person you are sorry for what you did or said. Whatever his or her reaction, positive or negative, it doesn’t matter. The very act of repentance, of expressing regret, will set you free.

I hope you enjoyed this post on learning how to let go and start moving forward in life.  Please leave a comment or share with your friends below!

Topics included in this article include

Move Forward

Moving Forward

How to Let Go

Forgive and Forget

About Brian Tracy – Brian Tracy is recognized as the top sales training and personal success authority in the world today. He has authored more than 60 books and has produced more than 500 audio and video learning programs on sales, management, business success and personal development, including worldwide bestseller The Psychology of Achievement. Brian’s goal is to help you achieve your personal and business goals faster and easier than you ever imagined. You can follow him on google+, facebook, and twitter.

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46 Comments

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  1. Gail says on March 17, 2014 at 12:05 am:

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  2. Brian Tracy says on March 10, 2014 at 2:10 pm:

    You are very welcome. Thank you for commenting and I’m happy to hear that you enjoyed the blog post. To YOUR success, Brian Tracy

  3. Mirta says on March 6, 2014 at 8:17 pm:

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  4. Dawon says on January 24, 2014 at 9:42 pm:

    This message has really helped me up until now I thought I would not learn to forgive those that did wrong to me but i’m glad I came across this

  5. Nancy says on September 1, 2013 at 8:03 am:

    Husbands really need to be careful of other woman outside their marriage,this was a true life story that happened to me to my own notice my sister took my husband from me the Husband whom i have love so much and promise me that no woman will take him from me but all of a sudden things turned apart if not for my friend hear in USA that told me i needed a spell caster that can cast a spell to separate them maybe by now he must have went for a divorce which could have made me commit suicide because i loved him so much likewise like him also but how things turn around was a thing that surprised me.
    I vowed that any thing it could cost me i must separate him and my elder sister i then collected the contact of this spell caster from my friend Mary she told me his name is spiritual Priest Ajigar and his email is priestajigarspells@live.com i contacted him and narrated the whole story to him he consulted and found out that my sister visited a spell caster that casted a spell that made him love her i then ask him what to do he told me that this spell needed to be broken so that my husband can leave her alone and come back to me the spell was broken and within three days he began to hate her that he even beat her up before he said to her that it is over between him and her right now my husband is with me again and take good care of me like he have never done before i thank my friend Mary but i own all thanks to priest Ajigar for bringing back my husband and i therefore for advice that if you notice any strange behavior in your marriage or your boy friend or girlfriend is cheating you contact Priest Ajigar to know the root of it he will surely help you out and give an everlasting solution to it.

  6. Angelia Kehr says on May 25, 2013 at 7:16 am:

    An awesome book to win.

  7. Richard Zinck says on February 23, 2013 at 8:36 pm:

    I am going to talk to you about how I found my magic.

    My magic to me is, The warmth in my smile, knowing that I am caring for and helping others, and the gleam in my eye.

    Why is this my magic? You see I am who I have become, which is not who I am. My dream is to become who I am. Which is everything that I have ever wanted to be.

    I believe in a world where everyone has warmth in their smile, they care about and help others, and they have a gleam in their eye. And if this is the world that I want to see, then that is who I have to be, to have it show up in front of me.

    I have been searching all of my life for my magic but right now we are only going to go back to 1994 to start my story.

    In 1994 I was 34 years old and in my prime. I was in the lunch truck business in Guelph and leading the industry by storm. I was in my office one day and a friend of mine called me. Hang on, stop there. Back then I had a motto, you were either my friend or you were my enemy. As I found out later I had no friends, so it turned out you were either my enemy or you didn’t want to be my enemy. Because if you were my enemy, I destroyed you.

    Back to the story. So I am in my office one day and this guy that didn’t want to be my enemy calls me. He says congratulations, you made the 50 entrepreneurs to watch for list. I said, list? What list? I didn’t know there was a list. He says it is in the paper today, check it out. He says, the next thing from here is entrepreneur of the year, way to go.

    I grab the paper and sure enough he is right. I remember thinking to myself, wow, entrepreneur of the year, now that is where the magic is.

    In that moment I made a decision. If I wanted to win this award next year I would have to turn it up a notch. If I was destroying my competition before, I would have to annihilate them now. I would have to become totally ruthless and take everything from them with every opportunity that presents itself. Total destruction of them.

    And so I did. And wouldn’t you know it at the end of the year, I won me an entrepreneur of the year award. Not only that, the Toronto Sun ran a full page story about me in the business section. The Fan Radio Station had me on air and said that I was the greatest entrepreneur to come along in a long time. And then some guy called up and said he would pay me a bunch of money to say I wore his boots. And so I did.

    So much happened, but there was still something missing. There was no magic. There was no warmth in my smile. There was no caring for and helping others. And there was no gleam in my eye. People spoke of all that I created but all I could see was all that I destroyed. The people around me were not there because I inspired them. They were there because they were afraid of me. They didn’t want to be one of the destroyed.
    And then the powers to be nominated me for Entrepreneur of the Year in Canada for 1996. They wanted me to destroy people all across Canada. I just couldn’t do it anymore. It just wasn’t who I wanted to be, so I quit.

    My wife and my kids were upset with my decision but they stood by me. I thought the people at work would ask me to stay but they didn’t. Instead they had a party and celebrated my death. They gathered all of my shirts, ties, hats and anything else that symbolized me and burnt them in a fire.

    I become the outcast of the industry, and for the next 2 years I could not get work anywhere. What I got by force I lost by force once I showed a weakness. The financial price I paid was tremendous. If I am to tell you the truth, 17 years later I have not fully recovered from it.

    The bank called up and said that they wanted to take my house. My father in-law and my son Christopher stepped in and lent me the money to keep it. Then my father in-law says you got to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get back going again. You have a family to support. I promised him I would get going again.

    I didn’t want to get back in the industry again, but it was all I knew. I went to one of the sandwich suppliers and proposed a new idea. Sandwich deliveries across Ontario to the homes all of the lunch trucks and vending machine operators. He accepted my proposal.

    It didn’t take long before we had millions of dollars in sales with this concept. I was working on commission so I got my cash flow going again.

    During my 2 years off I starting thinking about writing a book and speaking at events. I thought to myself, I was entrepreneur of the year and I do know how to sell. There have got to be some people who would to learn what I know. The problem was that I didn’t know how to set this up.

    By chance I end up going to see a Daniel Rutley talk on Emotional Entrapment. He was very good, so after his talk I went up to see him and asked him for some advice on getting started. He said you need to write for magazines so that people will see you as an expert. Then you can write your book and do speaking. So I asked him how do I get in magazines? He said you hire someone like Jennifer Beale. She can get you in. To my surprise Daniel continued to coach me for a little while after that.

    So I go out and hire Jennifer to help me. I write some articles for her and she says, you tell people what to do but you don’t say why. I said, because that is what I do. She says, they want to know why they are doing it. How did you come up with these ideas? What makes you who you are? I said, so you want me to talk about feelings?

    She says, I want you to write what you have to say, not what you think they want to hear. I want you to write like no one is going to read it but you. Don’t try to impress anyone.

    This seemed quite odd to me but I gave it a try. To my surprise every article I wrote she got published. She even got me the cover story for a business magazine put out by Staples.

    When I was working on another project I met Martin Power. I was telling him about my dream to write and to my surprise I find out that he is a writer and has coached other people to write books. We sat down for 4 hours one day and I told about all of my ideas. He tells me after I was done that he can’t coach me because I had too much anger inside. I didn’t know what he was talking about. He sent me to take a course that was 3 days and an evening. He said after I was done we would talk again.

    I go to this course not even knowing why I am there. There were 150 people there and 1 person up front. They were talking about a lot of different things, but what I heard the most was my relationship with my parents.

    I grew up in the 60’s and the 70’s, and back then times were different then now. If you had problems at home there was no Kids Help Phone Line to call to come to your rescue. No one wanted to hear about your problems. I remember my grandparents coming up for a visit from Nova Scotia one summer. I was out for a drive with my father and them and my father stopped to get some beer. When he went into the store I was left with my grandparents in the car. I said to them, my dad, your son, is doing some bad stuff to us and we need your help. They turned to me and said, you little inconsiderate bastard. You don’t deserve a dad like yours. You just shut your mouth.

    At that moment I knew I was on my own. I decided that I would not cry anymore. I would get strong and learn how to protect myself, and no one, no one, would ever hurt me again. And that is how I lived my life.

    Then at this course they start talking about writing letters to our parents to forgive them for anything we thought that they may have done wrong to us. I had them beat there. Both my parents were dead and gone. No use in writing letters to dead people.

    They tell me the letters are not for them. The letters were for me. I told them they were crazy and refused to write them.

    That night when I was at home I started thinking about everyone’s advice up to now. Maybe I did have some anger about the past. Maybe I should write these letters. What do I have to lose? The problem was I knew why I was mad at my dad, but I didn’t know why I was mad at my mom. She was like an angel.

    I decided to write to my dad first. I go back to the class and tell them I have written my dad’s letter. They asked, what did I get? I said, nothing special, maybe just a little more understanding. So then they asked me to read it to the class. When I read it to the class miracles happened for me. I got the forgiveness and I got why I was mad at my mother. I sat down and I wrote my letter to my mother. The words just fell out of my mouth and onto the paper.
    I read my letter to my mom to the class, and I got my heart and soul back and, I found my magic.

    I was looking for my magic all of my life and I was always looking in the wrong places. It was there all of the time, hidden right behind the forgiveness. I hope that by me sharing my story to you this gets you on the path to finding your magic.

    My story wouldn’t be complete without my letters to my parents. See if you can discover where I found my magic when you read my letters.

    Hi Dad,

    It has been 20 years since we last spoke and at that time I wasn’t very pleasant to you. You called me to tell me that you were dying and how proud you were of me, and all I could say to you was. “Tell someone who cares”.

    I did try to make it to see you before you passed but I missed you by a day. They even cremated your body before I arrived so I have never had closure with you.

    Now I know that you have tried to contact me since your passing and you may think that you didn’t reach me, but you did. I just ignored you again.

    You see Dad; you hurt me pretty bad when I was little. I never understood why you did those things to me when you came to my room at night. I was scared and confused. I even hide a knife under my bed to protect myself from you, but I never had the courage to use it. Even thou I didn’t like what you were doing to me, you were still my Dad and I only get one of them, and you were mine.

    I was so mad at you that I wanted you to pay for your actions towards me. Then one day I found the perfect way. You were at one of my track and field meetings at school watching me set new school records in some of the events. I will never forget the look on your face. You were so proud of me. That was your son out there shining like a star. And then I figured out how to make you pay, I quit.

    Then when I was in Grade 12, in the last month before I graduated with excellent marks, you tried to kill Mom. Somehow I built up the courage to beat you off her but the price you paid was that I quit school, so close to my graduation.

    I took this way of making you pay and added it as a regular feature in my life. I developed the knack of creating great things quickly and then quitting just before I made it. Then you died.

    This left me confused. In 1995 I forgot to stop and I became Entrepreneur of The Year. Such a great achievement but I was left with nothing but emptiness, so I quit again. It just felt like the right thing to do.

    12 years has past since I quit on my life. Dad, I have such great potential but I didn’t know why I lost my inspiration. Someone asked me to write you a letter to forgive you. I wasn’t ready to do that. So then they asked me to write a story about your life. I took that on.

    I never knew what you went through. I didn’t know that you mother dressed you as a girl for the first 5 years of your life. I didn’t know that your father and his brothers had their way with you as a little boy. I didn’t know that this was all common practice in the community you grew up in. For you this was normal.

    Dad, you must have been confused yourself. Your parents and your community trained you a way of life that was accepted in that world. Then we all made you wrong for being that way.

    Then you have a son who is blessed with the power to transform the world and he keeps on quitting, and you don’t know why.

    Then you die, and you think you are going to heaven, but they won’t let you in because I am stopping you. I’m still making you pay.

    I’m sorry Dad, I thought I forgave you. I now discovered that I never did. So Dad, I am writing this letter to let you know that I forgive you, and I love you, and I want you to be free.

    The gates to heaven are opened for you. So Dad, kick back, relax in your lazyboy and watch your son make you proud. I’m not quitting anymore.

    Love your Son,

    Richard

    Hi Mom

    It has been almost 11 years since we last spoke. You came to my office in the morning and you said that you wanted to spend some time with me. Like usual, I was too busy and asked you to come back later. 7:00 that night Carolyn called me to tell me that you had a heart attack and passed on.

    I’m sorry Mom that I didn’t take the time for you that day. I know that you were doing your best to put our family back together. With all that happened with Dad, our family wasn’t very close. Even with what he did to us, you still asked us to forgive him. I misread your intention.

    I thought that you wanted us to forgive him because you thought what he did to us was okay. I never understood until now the pureness in your heart for forgiveness.

    I will never forget your funeral. The place was so packed that there was a lineup out onto the street. You touched so many people. Even Jonathan’s teacher came. I never knew that you visited your Grandchildren at their schools regularly.

    Then when we were in the funeral procession on the way to your place of rest, Christopher summed up your life with a simple statement. He said, “ I never seen Grandma mad”. Now that is a powerful way to be remembered.

    Since your passing I have been looking at my life and I have recalled all of the advice that you had given me over the years. I have written a letter to Dad to forgive him and finally let him into heaven. I’ve learned how to let go of my anger and be more caring, just like you. Then this week when I was standing in front of a room of people I recalled your best advice. I remembered that you once said, “In the eyes of another you will find the pureness of their heart”.

    I looked into their eyes and do you know what I saw? I saw you Mom. I saw you in every one of them. I see you in the eyes of everyone I meet now. I see that you are fine and you are looking out for me. And I see that I can open my heart to you through all of them.

    So everyday Mom I will give you a smile, I will tell you I love you, and I will give you my heart.

    Love your son,

    Richard

  8. hunain says on October 24, 2012 at 12:46 am:

    Just going through your articles its a great job you are doing. Can you please help me out in searching something on an effective interviewing skills and the way to present yourself for an interview.

    Anticipates your kind understanding and obliged to get you prompt response.

  9. AM says on July 1, 2012 at 2:41 am:

    Forgiveness is really the magical key to move on in life.

  10. Lizzy says on April 18, 2012 at 9:11 pm:

    I am greatly inspired by this post.

  11. Hassan onatayo says on April 18, 2012 at 9:01 am:

    Brian, indeed you are worderful. Thanks for your advice

  12. Shirley says on April 4, 2012 at 2:43 am:

    very useful post, you are right, our goal is to free ourselves, to regain our peace of mind. thank you Brian.

  13. leta says on March 19, 2012 at 6:45 am:

    wow , excellent

  14. linda lema says on March 8, 2012 at 1:46 am:

    Thank you Brian, it was great post. I was real remember to forgive and it is a God commandment. Now i forgive my baby’s father. He is the only person who made me angry all time. For forgiving him i will set my life free and thinking for something else.

    Thank you Brian for rembering me to forgive and God bless you.

  15. linda lema says on March 8, 2012 at 1:41 am:

    Thank you Brian. it was a great post. i was real remembering to forgive also it was God commandment, now i forgive my baby’s father, it is only person for made me angry and not feel well for all the time remembered him, for doing this i will set may life free for thinking something else.

    Thank you Brian and God bless you

  16. Jenny Huang says on February 23, 2012 at 7:21 am:

    Great article , i’d read the book and it actually changed my mind and life , im so grateful to have the chance to know this great author at least trough his books, wish one day i can meet him in real ! he is truly an example of success ! thank you so much for your books !

  17. soraya says on February 14, 2012 at 1:25 am:

    Thank you. It was a great post. It was really effective.

  18. bessy says on February 12, 2012 at 1:05 am:

    THANK YOU :)

  19. Shah Mukesh says on February 10, 2012 at 10:21 pm:

    Thanks for the post. I think thi si going to change me and my thoughts.
    Thanks…

  20. Daniel Obiri says on February 9, 2012 at 11:16 am:

    This is a hard fact. Difficult though to let go of past hurts, but we must do if we want to fulfill our purpose in life. A great post! Thanks Brian.

  21. Olalekan Aresokan says on January 30, 2012 at 3:59 pm:

    Thank you Tracy i’ll go and do likewise.

  22. Destiny says on January 26, 2012 at 10:48 pm:

    Its really a revelation. I thank God 4 it. Especially the letter to be written on past relationship. God bless uh brian.

  23. ahmad loko says on January 26, 2012 at 1:53 pm:

    Brian, personally I’m grateful for this write up, its what I have being longing to hearr from people especially those I consider mentors. You just solve a̶ misery in my life. ☀☀†HªŋK Ψσυ☀☀

  24. samjim mwanyasi says on January 26, 2012 at 12:09 pm:

    this is incredible Brian. this has been very applicable in my life. By forgiving myself and others, i have relieved myself of a very heavy burden. This energy has been transmuted to positive energy very invaluable in my life.
    Go bless you.

  25. Harley says on January 22, 2012 at 7:31 pm:

    Great post, spot on! I’ve read that if we don’t forgive, we allow “that” person to continue hurting and controlling us for the rest of our life – which is truly sad.

  26. Akindele Samson says on January 22, 2012 at 1:49 pm:

    Sir,you are a gift to our generation. Infact am free executively by that simple but powerful meals. There is nothing compared to freedom.

  27. Sam Ye says on January 21, 2012 at 8:07 pm:

    Excellent article from Brian agian. Short but get the point sharply. After reading Brian’s newsletter or blog I may (sometime) feel it is not necessory to read his books (45 books). After reading Brian’s books I will feel that I should read more although it is not easy for a Chinese to do so. Thank you Brian for your wonderful and life chang teaaching.

  28. Agnes says on January 21, 2012 at 7:05 am:

    This is so true, sometimes we or others just wait for the short explanation that may be summarised in simple phrase(s): “I’m sorry.” or “I forgive you”.

  29. mostafa el saban says on January 20, 2012 at 8:16 pm:

    I admired this Mister Tracy ….. and I can not find the words said

  30. Leolin says on January 20, 2012 at 7:34 pm:

    We you writing about me when you said you must forgive your parents? I have not spoken to mom in over a year due to a lifetime of hurt that had reached its boiling point. I wrote her an email last night to let her know how I felt and to let her know that I forgive and wish her well. No matter what her reaction is, I am now able to move on without the anger that I had towards her.

  31. Raphael, Uni. For Dev't Studies, Ghana. says on January 20, 2012 at 4:23 pm:

    Thanks for the healing message. I can say am fully drenched and highly exhilated after reading this article. Mister Brian, God richly bless you for continuously sharing your experiences with us with lots of impacts. I’ve numerous people to forgive including myself.

  32. Mustafa Mamdouh says on January 19, 2012 at 1:15 pm:

    i have nothing actually brian to say coz words will not describe the good feelings you give us in everything you do , you do a great job to the humanity and changing people’s life , thank you so much

  33. آموزش کامپیوتر says on January 19, 2012 at 8:38 am:

    i love it and it is very useful as usual

  34. Stephanie Smith says on January 18, 2012 at 10:14 pm:

    Very sound advice. I agree with you. Why carry around all of this unneccessary baggage when we have so many other things we need to put our mind to? We need to be able to put our best self forward especially if we are a leader to others.

  35. Eloho Itesa says on January 18, 2012 at 3:08 pm:

    This is ‘a word in season’. God bless u and urs Brian.

  36. Victoria says on January 18, 2012 at 5:52 am:

    Thanks for council! Sometimes happens difficult to forgive certain people, but it is possible.
    I think, it is necessary to be cleared of all stuff in our subconsciousness, saved up for many years and to become cleared. (For example, in the zen-Buddhism). Then, probably, it will be easier to us to eliminate in itself anger, hatred, irritability and т.д to forgive and to cause a pain to surrounding people.

  37. Rana Shahbaz says on January 18, 2012 at 4:19 am:

    Great post, already feeling so relaxed.

    I often don’t get this baggage accumulated and forgive every body on the spot.

  38. Ankit Kumar says on January 18, 2012 at 12:48 am:

    Very genuine post…i like it…may GOD bless U….keep it up…

  39. Justin Mazza says on January 17, 2012 at 1:14 pm:

    So true Brian. We carry around so much baggage with us throughout life and all it does in ruin our experience on Earth.

  40. John_salesteam says on January 17, 2012 at 1:12 pm:

    This is the best advise in the world it’s all about releasing the poison within oneself all the anger and hurt is a poison and this advice is the antidote.
    Thank you Brian as always you guide with wisdom

  41. Bukky Shonibare says on January 17, 2012 at 12:27 pm:

    Thank you Brian for this TRUTH! I particularly like the letter part. I’d also advise it is burnt especially if the person is no longer reachable.

  42. Becky West says on January 17, 2012 at 12:10 pm:

    Thank you Brian! :) perfectly said! I used to wonder how I’d know if really forgave … and today I realize it’s not about knowing … it’s a feeling in your heart. That’s how you know :)

    Have a wonderful day! Happy New Year and all the best to you and your family!

    Becky

  43. LauraDrahan says on January 17, 2012 at 12:05 pm:

    What a great post! It reminds me of this Thich Nhat Hanh book that I read that touched on the imporantance of forgivness. Thank you for this post.

  44. Monday says on January 17, 2012 at 11:56 am:

    Wow! What a word.
    I ll do just dat 2 peace my mind.


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